Break-up Etiquette

I read a newspaper article this evening written by an associate professor psychology about how to break up with someone in an honest way rather than resorting to lies as to why you are dumping the other person. This professor listed five common lies used to express the reason for the break up and one of them, she said, was telling the other person "I love you but I am not in love with you."

Huh?

Why is that a lie? I was quite surprised to see this listed as being considered untrue. Those of us who are single and date will go out with someone for a few months and realize that we are attracted as friends but not romance. The two things are very different. It's hard to explain but I believe most people who have been in relationships understand the difference of loving someone and being in love.

This point of the professor's essay struck home with me because told a man I had dated for four months that I loved being with him doing things but I was not in love with him. I wasn't lying. He was great fun to be around but the strong sexual component of being in love with someone (when you need them emotionally and physically) simply wasn't there. I wish I could have made it be there, believe me, as he was a great guy and I really wanted him in my life as a friend. However, that also sounds like a false line you say when breaking up with someone but, again, I was not lying. I did want him in my life as friend.

So, oh Dr.-this-is-how-you-dump-someone-the-right-way what you discovered to be untrue in your own private dealings doesn't hold true for everyone else. What you call lies were painful things some of us had to speak to someone we cared about very much, just not in the way he was looking for.