The Quality of Solitude

Over the past few days I have been exchanging emails with a few writer friends. We have been talking about whether or not we will attend a Screenwriting Expo in Los Angeles later this year. I decided not to attend because (a) I don't have a finished screenplay to take and (b) I can purchase some or all of the panel discussions and seminars on DVD or CD. Since I can't very well network with nothing in my hand, I can at least get the information I want.

During this discussion, the subject came up about taking a significant other or spouse to such an event if that person was not interested in writing or tooling around LA during the times the writer is occupied with seminars. "Couples do things together," stated one of my friends, "and I take my husband. He isn't very into it . ."

So why I take him? I wondered to myself. Certainly Mr. Husband can find something to do with a free weekend to himself and probably enjoy it. I said that I have never taken a boyfriend to any event that he had no interest in or reason to be there. This includes conventions, conferences, reunions of any type and so on.

Maybe the whole coupledom rules elude me. Or the point of being a couple? I thought the point of being with someone - a mate - was to share your life and soul. Sharing is different than being glued to one's hip. I yearn for a soul mate and lover like most do but I do not want nor expect that individual to go everywhere with me and do everything with me. Why take a significant other to a high school or college reunion when he doesn't know anyone? I would be yakking with people and not able to pay much attention to him. Why put someone you love in that position?

Should I take him to show that I am dating someone or married? Well, I don't care one way or other what people think about my marital status so I am not compelled to bring a date to a reunion, conference, convention or anything else that he doesn't want to attend and have reason to be there.

I have never asked someone to go with me to such a thing because we were dating.

The only reason you must go anywhere in twos is if you are swimming in an area with no lifeguard, going on the ark because the earth will flood of if there is a sale on Breyer's Ice Cream at the store with a limit on 2 per person.

Now, I should add that I have gone to events with a boyfriend like a ball game or hockey game but that's because I love any kind of sport seeing it live. I wanted to go and he was pleased to have me there so we could enjoy it together. I've gone to Chiller Theater with a boyfriend because he loves horror movies as I do. But if he had no interest in it, I would not expect him to go and I'd be fine with it.

I suspect that the idea of going to events by yourself intimidates many people. My interests growing up were so different than most of my friends and family that I got used to going by myself otherwise I would have had no life or interests. The idea of going to an event alone doesn't bother me in the least any more than eating by myself in a restaurant. There are times I have deliberately gone out to eat wanting to do that alone. I am fortunate to have friends to always ask to go out for a drink or dinner but I enjoy the solitude at times.

I love to eat and read the paper or a magazine. It can be too much company for me just having the waiter come over and take my order.

The quality of life for couples obviously isn't very good since the divorce rate is quite high. Some believe that is because not enough time is spent together. I can understand that. But if the quality of any time together is forced or dry simply because you are supposed to be together, that's something else entirely. Just what, I don't know, but it's something else entirely.