In lieu of the less than spectacular Friday, Saturday was devoted to doing fun things and refusing to take any phone calls from LO. Three of us went for a ride in the Pennsylvania countryside and stopped to look at and into some old Quaker Meeting Houses. We also stopped to look at some very old cemeteries, a shared hobby.
It was so quiet in this area that when I picked up a long twig and cracked it, the sound echoed all around us. I collecting twigs for my fireplace while walking. It was chilly and overcast - spitting rain a little - but not so much so that we minded being outside.
It was all very comfortable in the sense that one of us would have a crying jag and there was no need to explain or apologize for it. There were periods of time in total silence, again, nothing having to be explained or apologized for when conversation was too hard to do. In moments such as these, you need to be with people who are in the same situation. Fortunately, we all realized we needed to be doing something.
I was also angry as I had long-standing plans to go to New York City for the afternoon to celebrate the 3rd anniversary of Peter and John's union and Peter's birthday. Obviously I didn't want to leave my mother and I knew I would unwittingly make the event all about me with my crying jags.
I spoke with Elizabeth for whom I am sketching out a concept for her company's website and with whom I am assisting on shoots to complete her independent film. I have ideas for scripts on educational and training films that can be made and offered for sale on the website and to discuss that we are meeting on Tuesday.
I have an incomparable sense of sadness at what transpired on Friday. I stopped beating myself up over it emotionally. I didn't help the situation any, that's for sure and given my tendency to criticize people in similar situations in public places, I felt tremendously silly. But, it's done. Lesson learned. I will not ever go on a rescue mission again for this individual.
I don't even want to see or speak to him. I will mourn that loss but a loss it will remain.
My life goes on.