I haven't posted for a week - been to an ongoing party at an event in New York City. All I did was socialize, have some drinks, sleep, and socialize some more. It was quite fun and I met up with an old friend I had not seen in a decade. We had a good time and it was like (for me anyway) we hadn't missed a beat.
Which brings me to the subject of WHEN BRAINS ATTACK . . . how, you may ask. Well, I'll tell you. As much as I enjoyed a chance to interact with people I don't normally get to see over the past weekend, I got restless after a time. Days of constant socializing was draining and even got a little boring. That doesn't mean I didn't enjoy the time I had - I did very much. But my need for solitude becomes more obvious to me at times like that. I need time to be alone and I look forward to that time. My brain hurts after too much of one thing - any one thing. Intellectually I was telling myself: "You need this outing. You need to socialize more" but the reality is as much as I like going to a party, I like going home too. I don't feel any let down after the party is over. Part of my ongoing process in daily living is to gravitate towards stimulation, enjoy it and then move away for a bit. This process keeps me sane.
If you came to my apartment and checked out my library, you would see dozens and dozens of books on psychology. I love reading books on psychology. I love watching people at large and small events. I study them. I study them online too. It's endlessly fascinating to me. Sure, as a performer and writer such a vocation is valuable but basically, I find human behavior stimulating. The hows and whys of someone's behavior is an endless chew for me.
One of the key dynamics of the human being is the relationship between the brain, the conscience and the intellect. The brain reacts as it pleases. You can't control it. The conscience is the knee jerk reaction to what you are presented with and finally the intellect is what you process everything with. This is where the brain tends to attack. We tend to associate intellect with the physical organ - the brain - though their individual functions are quite different. The danger of my studying psychology and also philosophy is that I could distance myself from my own feelings. The act of rationalizing why you are reacting or behaving in a certain way is a critical skill in order to understand yourself the best you can and prevent yourself from doing something self-destructive or stupid. But it is equally important to acknowledge or, as it's said now, "own" the emotion/reaction you have. To not acknowledge you feel a certain way because you intellectualize that it is "silly" or "foolish" further distances you from understanding who you are.
There have been times I have written or played a character whose reactions to a situation were, in my opinion, ridiculous. One reason I dislike soap operas so much is that characters do the same dumb thing over and over again and it's mind-numbing to me people do that. The fact is, they do and if I were more honest with myself, I would realize I do as well. There is nothing wrong with understanding human behavior, including your own, but it is critical to own what you feel and to do so uncensored. Acknowledging a feeling doesn't mean you have to act on it. Understanding you are hurt when intellectually you know you should not be will provide a greater insight into yourself and in the case of being an actor or writer, get into the head of that character at the very basic, gut level. If you dont do this as a creative person, you run the risk of not bringing your character to the 3-D level.
Intellectualizing feelings and disassociating myself from what I consider to be negative or petty thoughts prevents me from getting to the root of an emotional issue. What happens to us is seared into the very marrow of our bones. It's always there. You can't wish it away. You can't even pretend it's not there. It is there and it will stay until you acknowledge it and deal with it.
The brain gives us the ability to have an intellect and a conscience. None of these must be allowed to stand in the way of the other.
Wednesday, August 30, 2006
Sunday, August 20, 2006
Run, Hillary, Run
I would support Hillary Rodham Clinton if she ran for the Presidency. I hope she does.
I don't think many people believe in every single platform their candidate of choice has but I believe enough in this candidate to support her run for the presidency. Common sense has long been lacking, especially with this president, and unlike her husband, I do think Hillary knows what is appropriate and what is not appropriate conduct in the office.
I don't understand the claim that if Hillary ran and lost it would somehow "tarnish" her husband's presidential legacy, as if getting a blow job from an intern and being caught has already done that.
Hillary can run, lose the presidential race, and run for the Senate again. What is there to lose, really?
I don't think many people believe in every single platform their candidate of choice has but I believe enough in this candidate to support her run for the presidency. Common sense has long been lacking, especially with this president, and unlike her husband, I do think Hillary knows what is appropriate and what is not appropriate conduct in the office.
I don't understand the claim that if Hillary ran and lost it would somehow "tarnish" her husband's presidential legacy, as if getting a blow job from an intern and being caught has already done that.
Hillary can run, lose the presidential race, and run for the Senate again. What is there to lose, really?
My night with Octopus Head
I find myself facing a myriad of movie choices. There are films you want to see on the big screen and those that will do just find as a rental. Last night I saw Pirates of the Carribean: Dead Man's Chest. I try to see every film Johnny Depp makes.
I enjoyed this film very much but the Jack Sparrow schtick wears thin on me after awhile. He based the character on Rolling Stones guitarist Keith Richards. At any rate, Depp was wonderful and Orlando Bloom, beautiful to look at no matter what he does, was suitably compelling in his role. But the star of the piece was Bill Nighy who played pirate Davy Jones.
I enjoyed this film very much but the Jack Sparrow schtick wears thin on me after awhile. He based the character on Rolling Stones guitarist Keith Richards. At any rate, Depp was wonderful and Orlando Bloom, beautiful to look at no matter what he does, was suitably compelling in his role. But the star of the piece was Bill Nighy who played pirate Davy Jones.
I love learning about how a production was accomplished, especially one involving special effects. I have done production facilitating special effects including puppetry and I know the work that goes into it. This actor showed up with some basic makeup for the role and then the remaining makeup was done via CGI. Please google this and don't ask me to explain it suffice to say it involves computer artistry. The result was a seamless looking makeup job. I could not tell this guy was wearing makeup - it looked very real. The whole bit.
The special effects in the movie work quite well and even though you can tell the crew of the Flying Dutchman were computer generated, it somehow worked given the otherwordly appearance of the ghostly ship. I have seen other big budget movies who did not do nearly as well with the special effects as this production.
There will undoubtedly be a sequel to this second installment of the series. I will be there to see it.
Friday, August 18, 2006
Fuck Buddies
There must be a more genteel way of putting it but I don't know what it is. Sexual friends? I don't know.
It was about 15 years ago when I first heard the term and it was expressed by a friend of mine who was not in any relationship. She and a male friend of hers - would frequently have sex together when they were not in any romantic relationship. They didn't see the other as someone they would marry or want to live with for the rest of their lives but they were good friends and would share sexual enjoyment. I wasn't sure how I felt about such a casual view towards sex but after awhile, the idea grew on me.
I thought, why not? Supposedly you love your good friends? You care for them. If being together that way works for you and you are satisfied with the arrangement, I don't see it as being wrong.
I think it's nuts for a woman to sleep with a guy she doesn't know longer than a few hours. It's all about putting yourself in a very vunerable position - how much more vunerable are you than naked and alone with a stranger? Why not just put a sign on your forehead and say "Just beat me up and do things when I tell you not to" and be done with it.
This "fuck buddy" set up is genuis. There are potential pitfalls, granted, but it is an answer to a problem many single women face when they are not in a romantic relationship but want to have sex with someone they trust and care about.
A few days ago, an acquitaince of mine emailed me to say she was pregnant. She is in her forties and has wanted a child for a long time. Problem is she never met any guy who wanted children. So she gave up on looking for one. A male friend of hers impregnated her. Deliberately. No, they have no plans on getting married but the male friend was fine with the idea of getting his friend pregnate. I don't know how I feel about this either but if it all works out and there isn't any custody issues down the road, I guess I can't see any harm in it either. I can understand her wanting a child of her own before she can't conceive anymore.
I understand that position very well.
I just have to wonder about the other potential emotional issues that might creep into play unexpectedly but I can tell you that the initial concept of having a male friend you can also have sex with has been a real life saver (if that is the term) for many single gals (including myself).
It was about 15 years ago when I first heard the term and it was expressed by a friend of mine who was not in any relationship. She and a male friend of hers - would frequently have sex together when they were not in any romantic relationship. They didn't see the other as someone they would marry or want to live with for the rest of their lives but they were good friends and would share sexual enjoyment. I wasn't sure how I felt about such a casual view towards sex but after awhile, the idea grew on me.
I thought, why not? Supposedly you love your good friends? You care for them. If being together that way works for you and you are satisfied with the arrangement, I don't see it as being wrong.
I think it's nuts for a woman to sleep with a guy she doesn't know longer than a few hours. It's all about putting yourself in a very vunerable position - how much more vunerable are you than naked and alone with a stranger? Why not just put a sign on your forehead and say "Just beat me up and do things when I tell you not to" and be done with it.
This "fuck buddy" set up is genuis. There are potential pitfalls, granted, but it is an answer to a problem many single women face when they are not in a romantic relationship but want to have sex with someone they trust and care about.
A few days ago, an acquitaince of mine emailed me to say she was pregnant. She is in her forties and has wanted a child for a long time. Problem is she never met any guy who wanted children. So she gave up on looking for one. A male friend of hers impregnated her. Deliberately. No, they have no plans on getting married but the male friend was fine with the idea of getting his friend pregnate. I don't know how I feel about this either but if it all works out and there isn't any custody issues down the road, I guess I can't see any harm in it either. I can understand her wanting a child of her own before she can't conceive anymore.
I understand that position very well.
I just have to wonder about the other potential emotional issues that might creep into play unexpectedly but I can tell you that the initial concept of having a male friend you can also have sex with has been a real life saver (if that is the term) for many single gals (including myself).
Pedophila: Evil or Mental Illness
The resurgance of the JB Ramsey case and the introduction of suspect Karr brings to my mind this question: is the act of sexually molesting and romantically courting children a mental illness or some kind of evil? My gut instinct says "evil" but in coming to terms with the knowledge that I am strongly physically attracted to certain physical types of men for no apparent reason, is this the case for Pedophiles? Are they so strongly drawn to children they are helpless?
I know of cases where some pedophiles, up for release from prison, begged to not be released knowing they would abuse children again. They knew they could not resist. Could they not resist or didn't want to struggle with the temptation?
Most of us know how strong sexual impulses can be. There are times you can be so horny you can't even sit still. But can we control how we react to those impulses?
Yes. If I acted on every strong sexual impulse or fantasy I have I probably wouldn't be able to walk anymore. I am, by nature, an impulsive person so if I can resist the strong impulse, I feel others can as well. That's probably wrong -thinking but nonetheless it's my outlook.
Back to the question at hand: is it an act of evil to proclaim a physical love to a child and act on that love? Is the attraction just that . . . an attraction that isn't created but just is and rooted to the psyche?
I can't make up my mind. However, I will tell you that the school system and other institutions have failed miserably in rooting out pedophiles from their ranks. When someone has been fired several times for inapproprate physical contact with children, it's a good bet the individual shouldn't be around children. Yet over and over again we see the child predators be moved from one hunting ground to the next.
If you have not seen Kevin Bacon in the disturbing film The Woodsman you may want to rent it. The film tends to plod but the Bacon character - a newly released from prison pedophile is fascinating. The issues in the film are similar to the ones I raise above.
I look at someone like this Karr who is a pedophile and my skin just crawls; I even feel a twinge of fear. I think one of the things I fear most is that someone that I trust would assault me sexually. I suppose that goes back to a few unfortunate instances in my youth. It doesn't have to be physically accomplished - just tried. I do not know what happened to the six year old girl and whether or not this guy really killed her but he need to be put away where he cannot harm anymore children.
The debate over evil vs. mental illness can continue in his absence.
I know of cases where some pedophiles, up for release from prison, begged to not be released knowing they would abuse children again. They knew they could not resist. Could they not resist or didn't want to struggle with the temptation?
Most of us know how strong sexual impulses can be. There are times you can be so horny you can't even sit still. But can we control how we react to those impulses?
Yes. If I acted on every strong sexual impulse or fantasy I have I probably wouldn't be able to walk anymore. I am, by nature, an impulsive person so if I can resist the strong impulse, I feel others can as well. That's probably wrong -thinking but nonetheless it's my outlook.
Back to the question at hand: is it an act of evil to proclaim a physical love to a child and act on that love? Is the attraction just that . . . an attraction that isn't created but just is and rooted to the psyche?
I can't make up my mind. However, I will tell you that the school system and other institutions have failed miserably in rooting out pedophiles from their ranks. When someone has been fired several times for inapproprate physical contact with children, it's a good bet the individual shouldn't be around children. Yet over and over again we see the child predators be moved from one hunting ground to the next.
If you have not seen Kevin Bacon in the disturbing film The Woodsman you may want to rent it. The film tends to plod but the Bacon character - a newly released from prison pedophile is fascinating. The issues in the film are similar to the ones I raise above.
I look at someone like this Karr who is a pedophile and my skin just crawls; I even feel a twinge of fear. I think one of the things I fear most is that someone that I trust would assault me sexually. I suppose that goes back to a few unfortunate instances in my youth. It doesn't have to be physically accomplished - just tried. I do not know what happened to the six year old girl and whether or not this guy really killed her but he need to be put away where he cannot harm anymore children.
The debate over evil vs. mental illness can continue in his absence.
Thursday, August 17, 2006
Misery has enough company: Dare to be happy
The above is stolen from a billboard ad I saw on my way to a job interview this afternoon. The ad was for a VW convertible (which I would love to have).
Ads go for a basic truth consumers can identify with and this line was a masterpiece.
When is introspection and the tendency towards regret or remorse unhealthy? That is probably more or less a common sense question; if the act severely disrupts your life in an ongoing manner, it's not healthy. Recognizing negatives in our lives and in the midst of remorse, regret or self-ass kicking moving forward in the hopes of learning from the misstep or mishap is positive.
One of the best things to discover when in a bad situation is to discover that you are the cause of it. That will incur some of the aforementioned self ass-kicking but the good news is that cause of the problem is not outside of your control. You can change the outcome.
All of this is very cerebral, of course. In our day to day existence we continually struggle against the negative voices that have resided in our very bones and blood and circulate up to the brain. A continued failure towards a desired goal might lead one to wonder if the goal was meant to be; but is that giving up or facing reality?
Is it a negative to face reality and say we are not cut out for something that we had one time desired?
It's frustrating at times to try and work at a level where we do not want to give way to self-pity when things do not turn out as we hoped and planned. A little self-pity is only human; kicking and screaming accompanied by short-term banging head against the wall can be therapeutic as long as the brains do not spill out and blood not drip on the carpet. Believe me, I've been there. A little wallowing in self-pity can be soothing.
The biggest danger to our psych is the sense of victimhood.
"I am such a victim." "Nothing goes right for me." "Everyone is out to screw me."
Recognize these phrases? It is so very easy to identify what goes wrong in life. It jumps out and sticks its tongue out in your face. What's not so easy to cutting our way through the swamp, refusing to give in to the mud, the grime, the cattails that sting our face and the utter stink of gunk. It's so very easy to throw the hands up and complain about how unfair life is.
Get over it.
Unless, of course, it is vastly appealing to run off a litany of wrongs perpetrated against you.
"Why am I so fat?" Because you eat too much and don't exercise enough, that's way.
"Why is life so unfair?" Because there are more forces at work in the world than just your wants and needs. Some things just happen.
"Why am I alone all the time?" Because you probably do not make any effort to go out and meet new people. If you want a boyfriend or girlfriend, get out and volunteer, go to social gatherings and find events where single people congregate. If you still can't companionship, get online and spend time and a little money on match.com or some other dating service. It's better than not moving in any direction at all, isn't it?
Embarrassed that you are using an online dating service to try and find a boyfriend/girlfriend? Isn't being embarrassed more temporary and easier to endure than not having a soul mate?
"I need more money but I'm too old to go back to school. I'm almost 50 and I'll be 52 or 54 before I get out of school." Well, you'll be 52 or 54 whether you go to school or not so you might as well go back to school and get the qualifications you need to pursue whatever it is you feel will make you happier and perhaps earn you more money. At 54, you still have 10-15 years of working life left at least, maybe more if you want it.
My point in all this (if you are still reading) is there are a million and one reasons to be miserable. It's so easy to sit down and count missed opportunities, how you messed things up in a relationship or friendship and can't possibly go back and fix it and tick off several really difficult aspects of your life that drag you down.
But the choice comes down to this: no matter what your situation is, there is someone else who is worse off. If you are miserable about something, sit down and read the newspaper or turn on the news. Better yet, go out and volunteer to work in a homeless shelter or some other activity that benefits people who don't have enough to eat, have no place to live and can't even afford basic pleasures like going out to eat, going to a movie or buying something fun for themselves.
If you have the energy to bitch, you have the energy to stop feeling sorry for yourself and find a way out, up or forward. If you don't want to do that, then clearly you enjoy misery.
I don't enjoy it. I constantly work to see the positive where I can because I refuse to feed my inherent tendency towards depression.
Ads go for a basic truth consumers can identify with and this line was a masterpiece.
When is introspection and the tendency towards regret or remorse unhealthy? That is probably more or less a common sense question; if the act severely disrupts your life in an ongoing manner, it's not healthy. Recognizing negatives in our lives and in the midst of remorse, regret or self-ass kicking moving forward in the hopes of learning from the misstep or mishap is positive.
One of the best things to discover when in a bad situation is to discover that you are the cause of it. That will incur some of the aforementioned self ass-kicking but the good news is that cause of the problem is not outside of your control. You can change the outcome.
All of this is very cerebral, of course. In our day to day existence we continually struggle against the negative voices that have resided in our very bones and blood and circulate up to the brain. A continued failure towards a desired goal might lead one to wonder if the goal was meant to be; but is that giving up or facing reality?
Is it a negative to face reality and say we are not cut out for something that we had one time desired?
It's frustrating at times to try and work at a level where we do not want to give way to self-pity when things do not turn out as we hoped and planned. A little self-pity is only human; kicking and screaming accompanied by short-term banging head against the wall can be therapeutic as long as the brains do not spill out and blood not drip on the carpet. Believe me, I've been there. A little wallowing in self-pity can be soothing.
The biggest danger to our psych is the sense of victimhood.
"I am such a victim." "Nothing goes right for me." "Everyone is out to screw me."
Recognize these phrases? It is so very easy to identify what goes wrong in life. It jumps out and sticks its tongue out in your face. What's not so easy to cutting our way through the swamp, refusing to give in to the mud, the grime, the cattails that sting our face and the utter stink of gunk. It's so very easy to throw the hands up and complain about how unfair life is.
Get over it.
Unless, of course, it is vastly appealing to run off a litany of wrongs perpetrated against you.
"Why am I so fat?" Because you eat too much and don't exercise enough, that's way.
"Why is life so unfair?" Because there are more forces at work in the world than just your wants and needs. Some things just happen.
"Why am I alone all the time?" Because you probably do not make any effort to go out and meet new people. If you want a boyfriend or girlfriend, get out and volunteer, go to social gatherings and find events where single people congregate. If you still can't companionship, get online and spend time and a little money on match.com or some other dating service. It's better than not moving in any direction at all, isn't it?
Embarrassed that you are using an online dating service to try and find a boyfriend/girlfriend? Isn't being embarrassed more temporary and easier to endure than not having a soul mate?
"I need more money but I'm too old to go back to school. I'm almost 50 and I'll be 52 or 54 before I get out of school." Well, you'll be 52 or 54 whether you go to school or not so you might as well go back to school and get the qualifications you need to pursue whatever it is you feel will make you happier and perhaps earn you more money. At 54, you still have 10-15 years of working life left at least, maybe more if you want it.
My point in all this (if you are still reading) is there are a million and one reasons to be miserable. It's so easy to sit down and count missed opportunities, how you messed things up in a relationship or friendship and can't possibly go back and fix it and tick off several really difficult aspects of your life that drag you down.
But the choice comes down to this: no matter what your situation is, there is someone else who is worse off. If you are miserable about something, sit down and read the newspaper or turn on the news. Better yet, go out and volunteer to work in a homeless shelter or some other activity that benefits people who don't have enough to eat, have no place to live and can't even afford basic pleasures like going out to eat, going to a movie or buying something fun for themselves.
If you have the energy to bitch, you have the energy to stop feeling sorry for yourself and find a way out, up or forward. If you don't want to do that, then clearly you enjoy misery.
I don't enjoy it. I constantly work to see the positive where I can because I refuse to feed my inherent tendency towards depression.
Monday, August 14, 2006
Time to Talk about My addiction
Here it is. I kid you not.
Can't beat the addiction of this simple, high sugar, high calorie drink. I cannot imagine what those with more life threatening addictions go through trying to quit!
THIS and the meds of the past few years have piled on the pounds. I was very embarrassed last weekend at the beach when someone threw a net over me. But now I am on a regular medication that will not slow down my metabolism, perhaps I can go down the scale.
Funny - friends have laughed at me for years because at restaurants I will order an appetizer as my main meal. I can't eat those big meals, especially when I was living in New York. I gain my weight through sugar.
Sugar is my enemy. Coca cola is its soldier. (I know, ugh, how dramatic)
Implosion and Expansion
I moved to New York in the summer of 1986. By 1988 I was putting my health and sanity into serious jeopardy.
I wasn't yet thirty and felt that with my energy and ambition, I didn't need as much sleep as everyone else. I could do it all.
Wrong.
When I moved to New York, I got the advice to use my night owl tendency in a productive way: find a job at a law firm in a 24/7 word processing unit. That's what I did. From midnight to 7 in the morning, I worked in word processing create large documents, mailings and other fascinating stuff. Almost everyone on that shift was an actor, dancer, writer or somehow involved in the arts. Having the day free to perform, rehearse or look for work as a great advantage. Plus you had a steady paycheck and large corporate law firms pay word processors very well.
I had that night job five nights a week and for almost a year and a half, I was also working full time during the day as the assistant to the artistic director Curt Dempster at the Ensemble Studio Theater. That position required my attending meeting on Curt's behalf outside of the theater, acting as a liasion between the artistic end and the literary department, read and write feedback on incoming scripts, cast staged readings and workshops and supervise the internship program.
During any lull while on these two full time jobs, I worked on scripts to assist friends with script problems for shows they were doing and collaborated with actor Jonathan Frid on developing the second of three major one man shows. This one would ultimately be called Fridiculousness.
By the spring of 1990 I stopped working for Curt and enrolled as a full time student in the theater's highly regarded professional theater training program. This two year program required my being available during the days and some evenings for rehearsal and attending classes. I also started getting acting work during this time. Later in that year, I was hired by the New York State Arts Council Theater for New Audiences program to teach playwrighting in Brooklyn at a high school for "at risk" youths. The risk involved with this particular school was getting to and from school without getting jumped or shot.
If you are a frequent reader of this blog, you already know about the fact that I have had ADHD since I was a child and it went not undiagnosed and untreated until I was forty. My chaotic lifestyle deprived me of precious sleep, regular, healthy eating habits and the inability to keep track of my finances. I gained about twenty pounds during this period.
By 1991 I let the night gig go. But a lot of damage had already been done. It took years for me to fully recover my health. I started seeing a doctor who was willing to experiment with different medications to see about calming me down and helping me achieve focus. Having time to catch my breath would greatly assist in this regard but I needed much more.
The medications were designed to slow down my metabolism and in doing so, I wound up gaining more weight. My metabolism slowed down but my brain did not.
It was not until recently that the perfect medical combination was discovered. But now I have to shed this weight.
In the past few weeks and in the next few weeks I will be seeing some people for the first time in years and I feel very self-conscious about the weight gain. I try to not feel embarrassed about it but I am. I don't know why since that will not make the people I care about feel any less about me but when I look in the mirror and see what I see, I am reminded of those days when I did not take care of myself and did what I did to my health and sanity.
I still need to continue with that recovery.
I wasn't yet thirty and felt that with my energy and ambition, I didn't need as much sleep as everyone else. I could do it all.
Wrong.
When I moved to New York, I got the advice to use my night owl tendency in a productive way: find a job at a law firm in a 24/7 word processing unit. That's what I did. From midnight to 7 in the morning, I worked in word processing create large documents, mailings and other fascinating stuff. Almost everyone on that shift was an actor, dancer, writer or somehow involved in the arts. Having the day free to perform, rehearse or look for work as a great advantage. Plus you had a steady paycheck and large corporate law firms pay word processors very well.
I had that night job five nights a week and for almost a year and a half, I was also working full time during the day as the assistant to the artistic director Curt Dempster at the Ensemble Studio Theater. That position required my attending meeting on Curt's behalf outside of the theater, acting as a liasion between the artistic end and the literary department, read and write feedback on incoming scripts, cast staged readings and workshops and supervise the internship program.
During any lull while on these two full time jobs, I worked on scripts to assist friends with script problems for shows they were doing and collaborated with actor Jonathan Frid on developing the second of three major one man shows. This one would ultimately be called Fridiculousness.
By the spring of 1990 I stopped working for Curt and enrolled as a full time student in the theater's highly regarded professional theater training program. This two year program required my being available during the days and some evenings for rehearsal and attending classes. I also started getting acting work during this time. Later in that year, I was hired by the New York State Arts Council Theater for New Audiences program to teach playwrighting in Brooklyn at a high school for "at risk" youths. The risk involved with this particular school was getting to and from school without getting jumped or shot.
If you are a frequent reader of this blog, you already know about the fact that I have had ADHD since I was a child and it went not undiagnosed and untreated until I was forty. My chaotic lifestyle deprived me of precious sleep, regular, healthy eating habits and the inability to keep track of my finances. I gained about twenty pounds during this period.
By 1991 I let the night gig go. But a lot of damage had already been done. It took years for me to fully recover my health. I started seeing a doctor who was willing to experiment with different medications to see about calming me down and helping me achieve focus. Having time to catch my breath would greatly assist in this regard but I needed much more.
The medications were designed to slow down my metabolism and in doing so, I wound up gaining more weight. My metabolism slowed down but my brain did not.
It was not until recently that the perfect medical combination was discovered. But now I have to shed this weight.
In the past few weeks and in the next few weeks I will be seeing some people for the first time in years and I feel very self-conscious about the weight gain. I try to not feel embarrassed about it but I am. I don't know why since that will not make the people I care about feel any less about me but when I look in the mirror and see what I see, I am reminded of those days when I did not take care of myself and did what I did to my health and sanity.
I still need to continue with that recovery.
Worlds of Difference
Yesterday I set up my first DVR with my digital cable plan. This is one of the few gadgets that is actually a time saver and convenient. I can program (easily) shows that I am curious about and programs I enjoy and view at my own leisure.
Many gizmos designed for convenience and to get things done faster such as as cell phones, PDAs, home fax machines and blackberries are really there to make us work more anytime we are away from the office. The result is not so much as having less to do - it's about doing more in less time with the "conveniences" technological wonders have afforded us in the last decade.
Not to say this is without benefit, however. For those who need to work from home remote access to the company computer provides opportunities that didn't exist before. But still, for the most part, these techie things are there to increase productivity while supposedly making it easier too.
When I moved out of New York City a few years ago, I had to look for an apartment as I was by no means looking to buy a house. During my apartment search, I was shown several townhouse rentals that had " a business center" in the complex. The business center was comprised of a fax machine, a copier, and a few personal computers with printers. This "convenience" jacked up the monthly cost of the townhouse rental considerably and ultimately I steered away from complexes with "business centers" on the grounds.
Dumb idea anyway those business centers. C'mon - the average businessperson has a home computer and for $50.00 you can get a decent fax machine which, by the way, also makes copies. If you need something more heavy duty, you can buy a 3-1 printer to go with your computer which scans, faxes and prints relatively large volumes of paper. In other words, there isn't any reason for the average businessperson or many individuals who would have need of a business center to rent the equipment every month on top of their monthly rent. Just like this DVR I'm leasing from Comcast, I will probably buy one with the ability to burn programs onto DVDs (a capability mine does not have) rather than pay $8.00 a month to rent the thing.
Comast also wanted $150.00 to set up computer networking at my residence plus a monthly fee for the equipment they would supply for the service. For $150.00, not only can I set up my own home network I can buy most of the gear I need to do so. And not pay a monthly fee to anybody. I can easily extend the high speed internet access I have to anyone in my apartment with a computer with a simple piece of equipment. So why would anyone want to pay $150.00 plus monthly rental fee for something that is so easy to install yourself?
But there is a good chance that I will come into contact with students for whom any of the above is indeed a luxury to have - in fact, no reason to have it really except for being able to surf online quickly. Next week I am interviewing for a teaching job (English and drama) at a charter school in Philadelphia that services "at risk" youths. That means students who have not succeeded in the current public school system. It generally means unhappy students with chips on the shoulder. I have taught at well-funded schools for the most part but obviously the students who attend such schools have the wherewithal to be sent to special classes to assist them in the learning process if necessary, including a wide choice of afterschool activities. Students in the "at-risk" category have rarely been motivated or encouraged in anyway. While working in the private or well-funded public school districts has been fun, obviously the bigger challenge will be with these high school students.
I don't know if being white and fortyish will count against me in the interview. They only know my resume but have to know I am at least forty based on the length of my teaching experience and theater work.
Wait and see.
Many gizmos designed for convenience and to get things done faster such as as cell phones, PDAs, home fax machines and blackberries are really there to make us work more anytime we are away from the office. The result is not so much as having less to do - it's about doing more in less time with the "conveniences" technological wonders have afforded us in the last decade.
Not to say this is without benefit, however. For those who need to work from home remote access to the company computer provides opportunities that didn't exist before. But still, for the most part, these techie things are there to increase productivity while supposedly making it easier too.
When I moved out of New York City a few years ago, I had to look for an apartment as I was by no means looking to buy a house. During my apartment search, I was shown several townhouse rentals that had " a business center" in the complex. The business center was comprised of a fax machine, a copier, and a few personal computers with printers. This "convenience" jacked up the monthly cost of the townhouse rental considerably and ultimately I steered away from complexes with "business centers" on the grounds.
Dumb idea anyway those business centers. C'mon - the average businessperson has a home computer and for $50.00 you can get a decent fax machine which, by the way, also makes copies. If you need something more heavy duty, you can buy a 3-1 printer to go with your computer which scans, faxes and prints relatively large volumes of paper. In other words, there isn't any reason for the average businessperson or many individuals who would have need of a business center to rent the equipment every month on top of their monthly rent. Just like this DVR I'm leasing from Comcast, I will probably buy one with the ability to burn programs onto DVDs (a capability mine does not have) rather than pay $8.00 a month to rent the thing.
Comast also wanted $150.00 to set up computer networking at my residence plus a monthly fee for the equipment they would supply for the service. For $150.00, not only can I set up my own home network I can buy most of the gear I need to do so. And not pay a monthly fee to anybody. I can easily extend the high speed internet access I have to anyone in my apartment with a computer with a simple piece of equipment. So why would anyone want to pay $150.00 plus monthly rental fee for something that is so easy to install yourself?
But there is a good chance that I will come into contact with students for whom any of the above is indeed a luxury to have - in fact, no reason to have it really except for being able to surf online quickly. Next week I am interviewing for a teaching job (English and drama) at a charter school in Philadelphia that services "at risk" youths. That means students who have not succeeded in the current public school system. It generally means unhappy students with chips on the shoulder. I have taught at well-funded schools for the most part but obviously the students who attend such schools have the wherewithal to be sent to special classes to assist them in the learning process if necessary, including a wide choice of afterschool activities. Students in the "at-risk" category have rarely been motivated or encouraged in anyway. While working in the private or well-funded public school districts has been fun, obviously the bigger challenge will be with these high school students.
I don't know if being white and fortyish will count against me in the interview. They only know my resume but have to know I am at least forty based on the length of my teaching experience and theater work.
Wait and see.
Wednesday, August 09, 2006
Skimming the Bay
This past Saturday, August 5th, I visited my "oldest" friend meaning the friend I've known the longest - since junior high school, in fact. Lauren has a grown son and a 16 year old daughter in addition to a great husband who has a magnificent boat. Lauren and I had not seen each other in about eight years but have been in contact consistently. When we got together finally this past Saturday at her river-side home in Maryland, near Annapolis, we resolved to not let time pass again before we saw each other.
On this occasion we spent most of the day on the water, enjoying a lovely boat powered by a motor and Bob's (Lauren's hubby) steely driving. They had this huge floating device called Big Mable that is on a rope and dragged behind the boat. The idea is something like water skiiing only you sit or lie back on Big Mable while the boat pulls you along. Bob got up to 30 miles per hour with me and another friend, Jennifer, loudly enjoying ourselves with the spray in our face and enjoying the speed. I fell off once when Big Mable hit a wake but I figured out the trick to avoid that next time and, indeed, I did not fall off again in spite of some rough riding on wakes and sharp curves Bob was taking around the river.
This river is called the West River and is a tributary to the Chesapeake Bay. It is beautiful country that Lauren and Bob live in.
Meanwhile, in Philadelphia, my mother was working as a volunteer for the Antique Road Show taping in the City of Brotherly Love. She was so excited about being a volunteer, along with several of her friends, and though it was a wonderful experience for all, they gained an appreciation for what production work is really like. They were on their feet for the better part of 11 hours directing people to the proper line for their item to be appraised, collecting tickets, carrying things here and there and other production-oriented tasks. Most people are simply not aware of what all goes into producing a single episode of any kind of show and while each show and the needs/requirements vary, there is one common element: it can be hard and tiring work especially if you are not used to it.
Mom's feet and legs are screaming in silent protest still as of this writing but she is glad to have had the experience of working on one of her favorite programs. She was able to have two items appraised: a civil war sword which, unblemished, would have netted $4,000 but in its current condition would auction for around $500. The other was a pendant from my paternal grandfather valued at $45.00.
So no air appearances for Mom at least not as someone owning a valuable and rare antique item - at least not this time. She has plenty of other antiques that are valuable.
Back to the visit with Lauren and the day on the boat, followed by eating crabs; just a wonderful day. I had warned her that she would be surprised to see that I had gained weight due to the medication I had been taking up until about four months ago. She was surprised but not too much: at least no one through a net over me or threw a spear at me while I was in the river.
On this occasion we spent most of the day on the water, enjoying a lovely boat powered by a motor and Bob's (Lauren's hubby) steely driving. They had this huge floating device called Big Mable that is on a rope and dragged behind the boat. The idea is something like water skiiing only you sit or lie back on Big Mable while the boat pulls you along. Bob got up to 30 miles per hour with me and another friend, Jennifer, loudly enjoying ourselves with the spray in our face and enjoying the speed. I fell off once when Big Mable hit a wake but I figured out the trick to avoid that next time and, indeed, I did not fall off again in spite of some rough riding on wakes and sharp curves Bob was taking around the river.
This river is called the West River and is a tributary to the Chesapeake Bay. It is beautiful country that Lauren and Bob live in.
Meanwhile, in Philadelphia, my mother was working as a volunteer for the Antique Road Show taping in the City of Brotherly Love. She was so excited about being a volunteer, along with several of her friends, and though it was a wonderful experience for all, they gained an appreciation for what production work is really like. They were on their feet for the better part of 11 hours directing people to the proper line for their item to be appraised, collecting tickets, carrying things here and there and other production-oriented tasks. Most people are simply not aware of what all goes into producing a single episode of any kind of show and while each show and the needs/requirements vary, there is one common element: it can be hard and tiring work especially if you are not used to it.
Mom's feet and legs are screaming in silent protest still as of this writing but she is glad to have had the experience of working on one of her favorite programs. She was able to have two items appraised: a civil war sword which, unblemished, would have netted $4,000 but in its current condition would auction for around $500. The other was a pendant from my paternal grandfather valued at $45.00.
So no air appearances for Mom at least not as someone owning a valuable and rare antique item - at least not this time. She has plenty of other antiques that are valuable.
Back to the visit with Lauren and the day on the boat, followed by eating crabs; just a wonderful day. I had warned her that she would be surprised to see that I had gained weight due to the medication I had been taking up until about four months ago. She was surprised but not too much: at least no one through a net over me or threw a spear at me while I was in the river.
Friday, August 04, 2006
Hide Those Breasts!
This story falls under the category of "Too ridiculous to be true yet it is."
http://news.yahoo.com/s/afp/20060804/od_afp/afplifestyleussocialbreastfeeding
Damned if I know. In a country where prostitution is illegal and people get upset at the sight of a naked breast it is no wonder we still have many of the social problems we do, particularly the issues of teaching sex and safe sex practices to teenagers.
I really do not understand what is the least bit offensive about the above photo? It is hilarious that one woman complained that she was offended by the photo and when leaving the magazine on the table, it might her husband "uncomfortable."
Whhhaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat!!!!
Why? What is offensive about a mother breastfeeding her baby. The baby does not appear to hanging on for dear life on the nipple as was implied by one person who complained about the cover. It's a very natural photograph. The idea that it would upset people is a reason for concern by itself.
A lot of dumb things upset people and our society reflects that in its attention towards eradicating prostitution. It upsets people someone wants to pay for sex and someone else is willing to perform sexual activities in return for money. If you are a regular view of the TV show COPS you already know that many episodes are devoted to watching the police trick and catch prostitutes and their customers. I do not understand why it is a crime for a man (or woman) to pay for sex if they want it to do it. There are instances in relationships where one sexual partner does not want to perform certain sexual functions the other desires. If that sexual activity is a real fantasy and important to the individual, it is his/her right to go out and pay someone to "play" with. No emotional attachments - slam, bam, thank you ma'am at its best. Regulate the industry if necessary but allow prostitution to exist as a business, for heaven's sake.
To do otherwise is just stupid. Our society can turn stupidity into a poor art form without much effort.
It even comes down to what we naturally do with children. Oh sure, someone will come along, read this and say "Throwing up is natural too but I don't want to see it." Well, not many have had discussions about the merit of throwing up or not. It happens no matter what. Breast feeding is controversial because there are concerns about health factors and emotional issues. Vomit is pretty much still vomit no matter what you do with it. So there.
To those to whom the sight of a woman breastfeeding upsets --
lean closer to the monitor so I can bitch slap some sense into you. If you want to be offended, I'll offend you plenty.
http://news.yahoo.com/s/afp/20060804/od_afp/afplifestyleussocialbreastfeeding
Damned if I know. In a country where prostitution is illegal and people get upset at the sight of a naked breast it is no wonder we still have many of the social problems we do, particularly the issues of teaching sex and safe sex practices to teenagers.
I really do not understand what is the least bit offensive about the above photo? It is hilarious that one woman complained that she was offended by the photo and when leaving the magazine on the table, it might her husband "uncomfortable."
Whhhaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat!!!!
Why? What is offensive about a mother breastfeeding her baby. The baby does not appear to hanging on for dear life on the nipple as was implied by one person who complained about the cover. It's a very natural photograph. The idea that it would upset people is a reason for concern by itself.
A lot of dumb things upset people and our society reflects that in its attention towards eradicating prostitution. It upsets people someone wants to pay for sex and someone else is willing to perform sexual activities in return for money. If you are a regular view of the TV show COPS you already know that many episodes are devoted to watching the police trick and catch prostitutes and their customers. I do not understand why it is a crime for a man (or woman) to pay for sex if they want it to do it. There are instances in relationships where one sexual partner does not want to perform certain sexual functions the other desires. If that sexual activity is a real fantasy and important to the individual, it is his/her right to go out and pay someone to "play" with. No emotional attachments - slam, bam, thank you ma'am at its best. Regulate the industry if necessary but allow prostitution to exist as a business, for heaven's sake.
To do otherwise is just stupid. Our society can turn stupidity into a poor art form without much effort.
It even comes down to what we naturally do with children. Oh sure, someone will come along, read this and say "Throwing up is natural too but I don't want to see it." Well, not many have had discussions about the merit of throwing up or not. It happens no matter what. Breast feeding is controversial because there are concerns about health factors and emotional issues. Vomit is pretty much still vomit no matter what you do with it. So there.
To those to whom the sight of a woman breastfeeding upsets --
lean closer to the monitor so I can bitch slap some sense into you. If you want to be offended, I'll offend you plenty.
Thursday, August 03, 2006
The Quality of Solitude
Over the past few days I have been exchanging emails with a few writer friends. We have been talking about whether or not we will attend a Screenwriting Expo in Los Angeles later this year. I decided not to attend because (a) I don't have a finished screenplay to take and (b) I can purchase some or all of the panel discussions and seminars on DVD or CD. Since I can't very well network with nothing in my hand, I can at least get the information I want.
During this discussion, the subject came up about taking a significant other or spouse to such an event if that person was not interested in writing or tooling around LA during the times the writer is occupied with seminars. "Couples do things together," stated one of my friends, "and I take my husband. He isn't very into it . ."
So why I take him? I wondered to myself. Certainly Mr. Husband can find something to do with a free weekend to himself and probably enjoy it. I said that I have never taken a boyfriend to any event that he had no interest in or reason to be there. This includes conventions, conferences, reunions of any type and so on.
Maybe the whole coupledom rules elude me. Or the point of being a couple? I thought the point of being with someone - a mate - was to share your life and soul. Sharing is different than being glued to one's hip. I yearn for a soul mate and lover like most do but I do not want nor expect that individual to go everywhere with me and do everything with me. Why take a significant other to a high school or college reunion when he doesn't know anyone? I would be yakking with people and not able to pay much attention to him. Why put someone you love in that position?
Should I take him to show that I am dating someone or married? Well, I don't care one way or other what people think about my marital status so I am not compelled to bring a date to a reunion, conference, convention or anything else that he doesn't want to attend and have reason to be there.
I have never asked someone to go with me to such a thing because we were dating.
The only reason you must go anywhere in twos is if you are swimming in an area with no lifeguard, going on the ark because the earth will flood of if there is a sale on Breyer's Ice Cream at the store with a limit on 2 per person.
Now, I should add that I have gone to events with a boyfriend like a ball game or hockey game but that's because I love any kind of sport seeing it live. I wanted to go and he was pleased to have me there so we could enjoy it together. I've gone to Chiller Theater with a boyfriend because he loves horror movies as I do. But if he had no interest in it, I would not expect him to go and I'd be fine with it.
I suspect that the idea of going to events by yourself intimidates many people. My interests growing up were so different than most of my friends and family that I got used to going by myself otherwise I would have had no life or interests. The idea of going to an event alone doesn't bother me in the least any more than eating by myself in a restaurant. There are times I have deliberately gone out to eat wanting to do that alone. I am fortunate to have friends to always ask to go out for a drink or dinner but I enjoy the solitude at times.
I love to eat and read the paper or a magazine. It can be too much company for me just having the waiter come over and take my order.
The quality of life for couples obviously isn't very good since the divorce rate is quite high. Some believe that is because not enough time is spent together. I can understand that. But if the quality of any time together is forced or dry simply because you are supposed to be together, that's something else entirely. Just what, I don't know, but it's something else entirely.
During this discussion, the subject came up about taking a significant other or spouse to such an event if that person was not interested in writing or tooling around LA during the times the writer is occupied with seminars. "Couples do things together," stated one of my friends, "and I take my husband. He isn't very into it . ."
So why I take him? I wondered to myself. Certainly Mr. Husband can find something to do with a free weekend to himself and probably enjoy it. I said that I have never taken a boyfriend to any event that he had no interest in or reason to be there. This includes conventions, conferences, reunions of any type and so on.
Maybe the whole coupledom rules elude me. Or the point of being a couple? I thought the point of being with someone - a mate - was to share your life and soul. Sharing is different than being glued to one's hip. I yearn for a soul mate and lover like most do but I do not want nor expect that individual to go everywhere with me and do everything with me. Why take a significant other to a high school or college reunion when he doesn't know anyone? I would be yakking with people and not able to pay much attention to him. Why put someone you love in that position?
Should I take him to show that I am dating someone or married? Well, I don't care one way or other what people think about my marital status so I am not compelled to bring a date to a reunion, conference, convention or anything else that he doesn't want to attend and have reason to be there.
I have never asked someone to go with me to such a thing because we were dating.
The only reason you must go anywhere in twos is if you are swimming in an area with no lifeguard, going on the ark because the earth will flood of if there is a sale on Breyer's Ice Cream at the store with a limit on 2 per person.
Now, I should add that I have gone to events with a boyfriend like a ball game or hockey game but that's because I love any kind of sport seeing it live. I wanted to go and he was pleased to have me there so we could enjoy it together. I've gone to Chiller Theater with a boyfriend because he loves horror movies as I do. But if he had no interest in it, I would not expect him to go and I'd be fine with it.
I suspect that the idea of going to events by yourself intimidates many people. My interests growing up were so different than most of my friends and family that I got used to going by myself otherwise I would have had no life or interests. The idea of going to an event alone doesn't bother me in the least any more than eating by myself in a restaurant. There are times I have deliberately gone out to eat wanting to do that alone. I am fortunate to have friends to always ask to go out for a drink or dinner but I enjoy the solitude at times.
I love to eat and read the paper or a magazine. It can be too much company for me just having the waiter come over and take my order.
The quality of life for couples obviously isn't very good since the divorce rate is quite high. Some believe that is because not enough time is spent together. I can understand that. But if the quality of any time together is forced or dry simply because you are supposed to be together, that's something else entirely. Just what, I don't know, but it's something else entirely.
Wednesday, August 02, 2006
The Trade
Welcome news this morning. The big cheese who hired me on as a temp for the summer spoke to me in the cafe this morning, informing me that she was pleased that I was doing so well and enjoyed being in the intellectual property department of the firm. I told her that the bulk of my legal background was in intellectual property and I would consider taking a full time position with the firm if I was offered a position in that department. I can live with an office without a window. This firm is a big ass firm (to go with my big ass) and the money would be good and I can work in center city Philadelphia. This will come in handy when I start teaching evening classes in playwrighting and acting in the spring.
Should the teaching gig come through that I am presently on hold for - I don't know what I will do. It may come down to money. Readers of this blog know that I am interesting in going back to school either to go into computer forensics or get a masters degree. If I go for an MFA in Creative Writing, that will certainly cost big bucks. These are all prime considerations.
In the meantime, if this position at the firm comes through for me I will be able to pay off personal loans (I don't have outstanding credit debt) I've accrued over the past year or so during unemployment and be able to rent equipment for the Jersey Devil film I want to do.
I feel quite pleased with myself for the first time in a long while. I was lucky to land where I did yesterday in this department and once it was seen that I knew my stuff, the powers that are went to HR to ensure I was here for awhile. It's lovely to do something all day that I love and know that when I leave, I have others things equally exciting to do.
Should the teaching gig come through that I am presently on hold for - I don't know what I will do. It may come down to money. Readers of this blog know that I am interesting in going back to school either to go into computer forensics or get a masters degree. If I go for an MFA in Creative Writing, that will certainly cost big bucks. These are all prime considerations.
In the meantime, if this position at the firm comes through for me I will be able to pay off personal loans (I don't have outstanding credit debt) I've accrued over the past year or so during unemployment and be able to rent equipment for the Jersey Devil film I want to do.
I feel quite pleased with myself for the first time in a long while. I was lucky to land where I did yesterday in this department and once it was seen that I knew my stuff, the powers that are went to HR to ensure I was here for awhile. It's lovely to do something all day that I love and know that when I leave, I have others things equally exciting to do.
Tuesday, August 01, 2006
Not My Mel No More
I had been a Mel Gibson fan for many years. His recent arrest and controversy over statements he made to the arresting officers during his DUI arrest is being reported all over the place. As Mr. Gibson has admitted to making inappropriate remarks about Jews, I have to accept the fact he made them as initially reported. Yes, he was drunk and evidently defensive and pissy during the encounter with the police.
One of the very unfavorable things about having too much to drink is the more you have, the less inhibited (and probably sick) you become. You will say things that you think at times but would not articulate. In the heat of an argument or encounter with a public servant or clerk at a store, we might make fun of their job or lack of service. In an argument with a stranger on the street or on the bus or train, we might attack their lack of civility or point out theirsocial ignorance. In the throes of a quarrel with a friend or lover, we might overreact to a request, a criticism or omission and accuse the other of being disrespectful, not paying enough attention and . . . well, you get the idea.
How often are you tempted to attack the other person's ethnic group or race in the pique of anger? Stranger or not?
If you are not a bigot, never. Why would the idea even enter your head in the first place unless you already have negative feelings about the group in question?
There are things you can say that you can't take back or explain away. From what I read of Mr. Gibson's angry remarks during his arrest, he expressed a side of himself that the public never saw or heard before. Would he have normally said those things aloud to a stranger? I don't know. I could understand Mr. Gibson's being embarrassed and defensive being pulled over and arrested for DUI and if he had made fun of the police and their job in the process, that would have been uncivil of him but something I could understand. His apology on that level would be more acceptable.
But there is absolutely no explaining away this behavior. Drunk or sober and angry, there is no rationalizing the type of remarks Mr. Gibson made - NONE. It is what it is.
It is not a stereotype that the entertainment business has quite a large Jewish population who work behind the scenes. That's the truth.
Mr. Gibson may have crucified himself big time with his mouth. And I don't feel at all sorry for him.
Idiot.
One of the very unfavorable things about having too much to drink is the more you have, the less inhibited (and probably sick) you become. You will say things that you think at times but would not articulate. In the heat of an argument or encounter with a public servant or clerk at a store, we might make fun of their job or lack of service. In an argument with a stranger on the street or on the bus or train, we might attack their lack of civility or point out theirsocial ignorance. In the throes of a quarrel with a friend or lover, we might overreact to a request, a criticism or omission and accuse the other of being disrespectful, not paying enough attention and . . . well, you get the idea.
How often are you tempted to attack the other person's ethnic group or race in the pique of anger? Stranger or not?
If you are not a bigot, never. Why would the idea even enter your head in the first place unless you already have negative feelings about the group in question?
There are things you can say that you can't take back or explain away. From what I read of Mr. Gibson's angry remarks during his arrest, he expressed a side of himself that the public never saw or heard before. Would he have normally said those things aloud to a stranger? I don't know. I could understand Mr. Gibson's being embarrassed and defensive being pulled over and arrested for DUI and if he had made fun of the police and their job in the process, that would have been uncivil of him but something I could understand. His apology on that level would be more acceptable.
But there is absolutely no explaining away this behavior. Drunk or sober and angry, there is no rationalizing the type of remarks Mr. Gibson made - NONE. It is what it is.
It is not a stereotype that the entertainment business has quite a large Jewish population who work behind the scenes. That's the truth.
Mr. Gibson may have crucified himself big time with his mouth. And I don't feel at all sorry for him.
Idiot.
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